hmmm…
He took the gun slowly from the holster, he caressed the fine steel, he loved how it felt against his skin. This was going to be the time, this was going to be the day he finally did it. He had wanted nothing more than for this day, the day to end all days. He had decided long ago that he would do this, to end his life. But business and friends came in the way, kept him from his duty. Today was different, he did not have to go to work, the kids were at school and the wife was at the tailor. The barrel made a small circle on his temple as he placed it there, a circle he would never see. He held the gun there for 15 minutes trying to decide if this was it, the time, the place and the event. Would this be it? Would it? The trigger made his finger itch, it made him feel alive for the first time in his life. Finally he was alive! Alive for the first time in his life, yet he was only going to end up dead in a few minutes. As the mechanics of the trigger moved forward he saw his wife open the door. Damnit, she was home early, but it was too late, he had already started the trigger, he could not go back. This was what he thought during he split second between the trigger and the bullet. The bullet made a quick journey through his skull. But somehow it missed his brain, only left two holes oozing with the life juice of his brain. His wife held him in her arms, cradling him like a baby. WHAT HAVE I DONT WRONG? WHAT DID I DO TO CAUSE THIS.WHYWHYWHYWHYWHY! WHY GOD WHY?
She was cradling him in her arms when he spoke the words she had not heard him say for 10 years: "I LOVE YOU." It seemed simple to him now, he had always loved her. Why then, had he fucked all those other women? His secretary, his neighbor’s daughter when she came back from college and some slut he picked up on the street. But, he had loved none of them, all he had needed then was sexual gratification. That carnal instinct became too much for him to handle. So he had to fuck, but now in light of his new insight into life he realized that he had only been trying to find something more. But there is nothing more than love. Love is the ultimate emotion, but he had let it drift away. It was back and he liked it. Suicide was just a crazy notion that he had tried, love was real, almost tangible. It was then at this time that they both made a new commitment, a commitment more than what is usually said at a wedding ceremony. A commitment to be the other person, to actually exist as one entity. And that is how love was lost and then gained again..
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