The following story is satire because as you will see it shows just how uncomfortable and silly it is to ride in a car trunk. According to the AAA (Westways Magazine Jan/Feb 2007) “since 2000, there have been 153 collisions involving trunking, resulting in nine deaths and 140 injuries.” Always obey safety laws, use your common sense and take stories such as this with a grain of salt.
Have you ever ridden in a car trunk? Do not believe all the negative things that the movies tell you about riding in a trunk. In all my years of riding in trunks I have never been shot once the trunk was reopened or had the vehicle I was ridding in thrown off a bridge into a body of water. But you still must be cautious, if your friends is either criminally insane or has a very sick sense of humor, one of these things could happen to you. So take that as my disclaimer. I am not responsible for anything you do or have happen to you whilst riding in a trunk. That said I will now outline the intricacies of my hobby.
First of all, you can not ride in any trunk since you may not be able to fit into it! But, you do get bonus points if you can get into a small trunk. I leave it as an exercise to the reader in determining how best to arrange themselves in these trunks. Once you have found a good-sized trunk, then by all means get in! But make sure you have the permission of the driver. My first time I forgot this and was almost arrested when one person returned home, went to take out their groceries and found me there.
Before the vehicle is set into motion you have to find a suitable position. For most people the most comfortable position would be lying on their side. I would recommend when lying on your side to have your face towards the direction of travel. In this manner you will not have your face slammed into something whenever the car accelerates swiftly. If you are trunking in a car such as a Pinto then you do not need to worry, since these cars are not known for their high rates of acceleration. If the driver is prone to braking very swiftly then you should face backwards. In these positions you can obtain a wide range of sub-positions. If the trunk is very small the fetal position will probably be forced upon you. However, if you are trunking in a land yacht then you have the freedom to spread out.
Other options for positions include facing up or facing down. These two methods give you the ability to protect your face from both acceleration and braking. The down side to these techniques reveals itself when it comes to bumps in the road. When it comes to this factor, the size of the trunk does matter. In some vehicles you can see the brake lights going off while lying on your back. This breaks the monotony of trunking over long distances. But try and not concentrate on the lights too much. In some instances people have become entranced by “the light” and have never broken out of their stupor. This is one of the risks of trunking that has to be faced head on. Laying face down is generally not done unless you are really trying to be a daredevil. There are two many areas of the body that can be hurt and it is very painful.
To cut down on some of the dangers of trunking, some trunkers turn to protective gear. A helmet is the most vital protective piece. Wearing a helmet allows a trunker to go for the more dangerous moves and positions that in national tournaments garner extra points. Knee and elbow gear are also helpful for certain moves such as the “spinning change” where the trunker switches completely around from a fetal forwards to a fetal backwards with a intermittent stretched back position. But novices who trunk not for competition but for fun will probably need only the head gear, unless they are practicing for competitions.
Long duration trunking is a feat in itself. Be warned though, because there have been people who have gone mad from the never ending darkness and the steady hum of the engine. The longest recorded trunking lasted for thirty-four days and five hours. The trunker was given food through a back seat that pulled down to give access to the trunk. The trunker slept, ate and bathed only in the trunk during this entire time. The car was a 1995 Ford Escort that belonged to a Chicago businessman. The businessman used his vehicle regularly and was not involved in any part of the record breaking process, however he was aware of what was going on. He agreed simply because he used to be a trunker and wanted to see the record of 23 days and 6 hours broken. After the whole ordeal the record-breaking trunker was said to at times twitch violently and stare at people in an erratic manner. It was as if their blinking eyes caused some stroke of remembrance in him. Also, he got rid of his bed and bought a trunk that he then used to sleep in. Friends say that he was never quite the same after the ordeal and sometimes he honked instead of saying, “excuse me.”
Because of the problems involved in long duration trunking, it is recommended to have some sort of aversion to break the monotony. The typical emergency kit placed in trunks is a treasure trove of possible activities. The emergency flasher can be used to create a sort of slow motion environment. Used in combination with the reflectors, interesting patterns can be made upon the walls of the trunk. It is especially rewarding when the patterns appear to be actual objects. The flares found in the kit can make the hours pass by very quickly by writing messages seemingly in the air. Finally, the jack typically used for changing a tire can be used to form interesting indentations in the top of the trunk. Try for instance to spell your name out using the jack. But be very sure that you have the permission of the car’s owner before attempting this.
In all its many flavors trunking is a sport that will survive long into the next millennium. Its popularity with people of all walks of life show the great satisfaction that those who trunk get. It is increasingly becoming more popular and mainstream. There is even talk about admitting it as an official Olympic sport in 2008. Trunking has the ability to clear your mind of all your troubles and allow you to concentrate on how to improve your life. There is also a returning to the womb effect that has fascinated clinical psychologist for years. They are still trying to explain why trunkers begin to routinely suck their thumbs and act as if encased in a large sac of liquid. Despite its few dangers trunking is worth the effort. So go ahead, jump in a trunk today.